Have you been in situations where you conclude that no amount of understanding, compromising, and just staying head down can help you build a good relationship with your in-laws?
Sometimes it goes overboard of then being abusive, very disrespectful, manipulative about anything that concerns you and your partner, and it is advisable to stay away and cut ties from such people.
Also, do not hurry to make such decisions quickly; think about it thoroughly, and communicate calmly with your spouse and in-laws about how the whole situation is affecting you, your relationship with your spouse, and, importantly, your mental health.
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Distancing Yourself For In-Laws
Then, if there are no changes or any fair reception towards you after this, you have to decide if you will still stay put or cut ties with them.
It is okay for those still in a relationship to opt-out easily; what about the newly wedded couples that are just building a well-established marriage and navigating through it with external family members or in-laws.
The tension is always high for them, and it might just dawn on you to seriously think about how you will manage after tying the knot. Not all in-laws are toxic; some make it easy for the spouse and children, while some prefer to be at loggerhead with them and be toxic. Here are a few signs that you have toxic in-laws;
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1. They try to create misunderstanding between you and your spouse:
They end up turning their backs against one another with the terrible game they play of saying she said this, and he said this. That is a serious sign of them bringing negativity to your relationship, which can develop into something very serious and unresolvable because of the confusion and hatred it has caused between the two of you.
2. All the time, they want to be involved in decision-making:
To be sincere, some in-laws go overboard by being too controlling pushy and always want to be involved with anything concerning you and your partner in a pretense act of caring, loving, and always having the better suggestion. It can stir up annoyance within you but them careless.
All they want is that only their opinion be considered before yours. So they are less concerned about how you feel, decisions on how many children you would love to have, where to rent or buy a home for you and your spouse, and the like.
3. They intentionally want always to see you sad:
It is really unfortunate because there are adults that dislike you without any tangible reason. Yes! They are adults, but it does not mean they will act mature and grown-up.
They will rather venture into doing and saying things that would always make you feel bad, hurt you intentionally till they get under your skin, and make you feel miserable.
4. No respect for your own space or privacy:
They drop by from time to time without informing you or your spouse; some of them even go straight to the kitchen to take charge and decide what meal you both eat.
Also, your father-in-law always wants your spouse with him every weekend even though that is one free time you both have to make up for the late work hours you face during weekdays. They refuse to respect you both and help you complicate things that are simple to solve.
5. They treat you and your spouse like kids:
There are times you would love to be spoilt like a child again, someone taking care of what you’ll eat, do your laundries and the likes, but when it comes to your in-laws making such decisions for you, they gradually find their way in till they can take charge of enough power to control both you and your spouse.
So before you proceed with any decision, be certain of the purpose you want it that way. You can see your therapist mental health professional help you through the journey and with decision making if that is the best step to take in the situation, and then ask yourself again if you are fine with ending your relationship or marriage.
If the relationship is too damaging to you and even your marriage, separation might be a good idea.
Repeatedly getting bullied and abused has significantly affected your self-esteem or broken the confidence you have in yourself. It is best to move out of such a relationship.
Question yourself if the separation would have the relationship between you, your partner, and the rest of the family. Also, be sure you are ready to deal with the fallout that might happen afterward.
For example, if you are close to some of your in-laws, this decision might make you lose their love and relationship.
Suppose your financial stability is dependent on your relatives or your partner, such as needing financial aid or inheriting property from their future wise. In that case, you should be considering this as a loss and stepping into a situation with serious risk financially.
- If you have children involved in this marriage or relationship, they might not have free access.
- Desist from taking any decision when you are angry: whenever you are down or sad over things that have been done to you or said by your in-laws to hurt you. Just get to a safe corner and take a deep breath to calm your nerves down. So you do not dish out the response with the heat of the anger, be careful not to do or say something you might regret later on.
- Relax your mind for a couple of days before addressing the situation with your in-law. Also, take some months before making final decisions on avoiding such situations from happening again. You can engage yourself with working out, have a journal or meditate from time to time.
- When you are angry, you see words very simple and light till you spill them and can’t take them back. Being in such a state is not good for you, and do not ever make decisions in that state.
Tips that would be very helpful dealing with in-laws, these tips listed would be a good guide for you to sustain and maintain peace within your family and in-laws.
- Create or form have a solid bond with your spouse so that no one can use your heads against one another.
- Ensure you set and enforce boundaries
- Always try to communicate and resolve any conflict arising.
- Take your time and set realistic expectations.
- Always stay cool, calm, and be in control of your sense of humor.
- Understand yourself and be mature about situations
- Be kind to everyone and be open-minded.
Get yourself busy with your career or start a business that would take your mind off things that make you go into deep thoughts.
In summary, this is what is advisable to do. Do not let yourself get disappointed, be wise with your level of expectations with your in-laws, be surrounded by family members, good friends, and nannies who you can count on when you need their help so they can help you be more stable.