Usually, mothers-in-law have a picture of the kind of woman they would love their sons to get married to. They have high, difficult, sometimes unrealistic expectations for their daughters-in-law to be.
Of course, when these expectations are not met, mothers-in-law tend to develop and show dislike towards the daughters-in-law.
Signs Your Mother In Law Doesn’t Like You
It is true that your mother in law might really not like you, however, this isn’t the case all the time. You could just be thinking it all in your head, especially if you feel you are not meeting up to her standard for the woman of her preference.
Anyway, we can’t be too sure which is which. Here are some obvious signs that indicate very clearly that your mother in law certainly does not have a bit of likeness for you:
A Sixth Sense
Although you might not always have this around family, it is possible. Your sixth sense just seems to spike whenever someone who is not very fond of you comes around you – that person being your mother in law. It is literally a strong intuitive or perceptive power.
You just perceive that your mother in law is uncomfortable around you, or that she is merely tolerating you just because you are married to her son rather than embracing and loving you for you.
There could be many reasons your mother in law is acting this way: her background, beliefs or training. Knowing the reason could help you understand her and her motives better.
Being Extremely Critical
So your mother in law happens to be extremely critical about your career, your looks, your belief or your core values; nothing you do ever quite cuts it with her, she most likely does not fancy you at all. The best thing to do in such a case as this is to talk things through with your husband and be sure that you have his support at least.
If you must develop a healthy relationship with your mother in law, it is essential that he stands and unites with you in public and before his mother, even if he does not totally agree with you.
Bringing Up Your Husband’s Ex
Trust me, it can be very annoying and uncomfortable to keep listening time and again to things about your husband’s ex, how much everyone loved her or how great she was while still with your husband (mind you, most of the details are likely to be exaggerated).
This act could be either intentional or unintentional. Either ways, we advise that you speak to your husband about it and let the issue be addressed, especially if it really bothers you.
Your mother in law is likely to ignore you and act as if you are not even in the room, if she does not like you. She does not involve you in general conversations and ignores your input. She is friendly with every other person except you.
The most she ever does is give you short responses, only when absolutely necessary and unavoidable. She gives you the silent treatment to send a message to you that she does not like you and is uninterested in having a conversation with you. Except in extreme cases, this silent treatment and ignoring tactic hardly lasts so long.
She Looks Out For Your Faults
You feel in your gut that she is intentionally setting you up to fail; she creates occasions to get you to be at fault and then she points out your faults; these shows that she is not one of your greatest fans and you need to talk it out with your husband as he might not have noticed this and the issue will remain unnoticed unless it is discussed.
She Gives A Fake Apology
A fake apology is a clear sign that she does not like you and is not sorry for whatever the issue is that she is apologizing for. Statements like “I’m sorry you felt insulted,” is no genuine apology. She is rather putting the blame on you for misunderstanding her meaning.
No Interest In Things That Concern You
As simple as a question or two about you and things that concern you would let one know that the person asking cares about you. When your mother in law never tries to know even the littlest thing about you, it is an indication that she does not care about you at all.
Interesting Read – How To Cheer Up Your Mom
What To Do When Your Mother In Law Don’t Like You
With mother and daughter in law relationship, there is only so much you can do sometimes. In some cases, a few measures can set things right and help you have and build a better relationship with your mother in law.
In other cases, every strategy just seems futile and it seems you both are not meant to be any friendlier than you are. Whatever the case, here are a few tips on what to do if your mother in law doesn’t seem to like you:
First, you need to exercise some more patience when dealing with your mother in law. It is possible that with time, she would begin to warm up to you. Just give it some time.
Bring up the issue of you both not being comfortable around each other so you both can hopefully talk about what the issue is and talk about how to fix things and have a better relationship with each other. Before doing this, be sure that your mother in law is not one who would not appreciate such conversation.
Be more friendly with your mother in law, even if you do not fancy her that much. Try and get to know her, her views of life (if possible, agree with some of her views) and share some of your own personal information with her as well. This might soften her up.
As we earlier mentioned, your mother in law could be acting the way she does for many different reasons. It is important that you try to understand her motive and the reason she acts the way she does towards you. There could be a background story to the whole issue.
This would help you handle her dislike for you and if possible, reassure her that you are not about to take her son away from her, in a case of insecurity. Whatever her reasons her, make sure to remember that her opinion about you after all is done, does not necessarily define you or mean you are a bad person. Do not ever take it personal.
Get your husband’s support. It is important that he supports you whenever his mother is mean to you. If he shows little or no support for you in the face of his mother’s antics, you probably have more scores to settle with him that with his mother.
Related Post – How Do I Know If My Mother In Law Is Manipulative
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Is It OK To Distance Yourself From In-Laws?
In the case of a mother in law who does not quite fancy you, after you must have tried all the tips above and they all proved abortive (she is still mean and unfriendly towards you), then it is only best if you keep your distance from her. This does not mean you have to cut ties with her. You just simply stay in your space, away from hers.
If luck is on your side, you can have a great mother-daughter relationship with your mother in law contrary to the typical, commonly depicted scary relationship between mothers in law and their daughters in law.
Whatever the case may be, do not ever speak ill of your mother in law to your kids. She is still their grandmother after all and the picture of her you paint to them matters a lot.
I am a proud mother of two, a lover and home builder. My love for children gave birth to the bestofmotherearth.com with the aim to cover topics from child health, pregnancy, parenting, family, relationship, struggles in families and also food.