After having a union agreement with your partner, you are left with little or no choice to find your way through their lives or become part of the family. It means you are starting more than a new relationship but earning yourself more family members who you have to get to know, understand, and manage their excesses.
Some find this new relationship experience a very easy and interesting one. In contrast, others have serious struggles and difficulty with it because the relationship turns unhealthy and very toxic.
Some have a mother in law that always wants to be in charge of the home like it belongs to her, has an issue with every step you take, comes in and out as they wish to, and decide to make meals even when they are not your favorite kind of meal. Which might be out of spite or because they don’t care about what interests you. Having a heart to heart conversation with your partner and setting boundaries.
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Why Do I Find My Mother In Law So Annoying?
It is very important because they can talk to their mother and adjust their calm behavior. However, there are situations that you need to stand for yourself and let them know what it is they are doing that doesn’t sit well with you. Be cool with your communication but also be very assertive.
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Allow her to know how her behaviors affect you personally, and would no longer be tolerated. One of the major reasons in-laws behaves like this is because they express their fear differently. They don’t want you to know they feel threatened by your person like you’ve come to take away their offspring and all of the attention they get from them.
This union called marriage brings about a lot of change and struggle for women. The common one is having a cooperative, loving, and cordial friendship or relationship with their mother-in-law. You might have a very cordial relationship with everyone around you as a person.
Still, you end up having a mother in law that is difficult, manipulative, and is always looking for your mistakes in all you do. Then you lose yourself and become on necessary conscious even with a husband and anything related to her.
Most manipulative mothers-in-law are too controlling with you and your partner and might bring about arguments or misunderstandings between you and your spouse.
As a wise partner, you have to make sure that your mother-in-law’s issues do not affect your bond with your partner. So be discreet and smart about every decision you make. The best is to create on your part how to co-exist peacefully.
Signs that your mother in law is toxic:
If you have a mother in law that gives all these signs or traits or you’ve experienced few, it doesn’t make any significant difference. For instance, she is too judgmental, controlling, and manipulative and goes all the to make your life a struggle and difficult
- Always wants to be right without any exception:
This process means that she is hardly ever wrong with anything she does; even when it goes wrong, she will never admit to being wrong or even tender an apology and take responsibility for her actions. To her, you would always be the reason she has to be very mean and inconsiderate, so you take all the blame.
- Too dismissive:
Most of the time, she will ignore you and only be concerned about what matters only to her. She’ll ask you for something and still, do whatever she wants to do regardless of your answer. For instance, disregarding your effort and hard work and instead concentrating on your faults and mistakes, and also values the important things
- Shows you how much she dislikes you:
She does not hide it from you that she communicates in multiple ways, lecturing you why and how you are not good enough for her family, her son, and fit enough for their reputation or status. She does not necessarily have to say it to your face, but you will be able to read her message clear and loud enough, which might give you mixed emotions depending on your self-esteem.
- She wants you to be submissive:
She will declare her dominant attitude and expect you to be always submissive and please her at all times. Which would include directing your entire life such as culture, appearance, opinions, religion, family events, adapting or learning the way she cooks, and everything about you.
She will do all this because her way is much better than anything you offer. Be sure to be reproductive on time, most especially male offspring or else she will visit you with her wrought
Too controlling: When she can’t get you under her control, she will focus on her child and grandchildren also has as many family friends as possible till she complicates simple situations to show you that it is her that calls the shot.
- Does not care about your personal space or respect anything that concerns you:
Trying to get on your nerves, she visits uninvited without telling you beforehand but still expecting you to welcome her with your arms wide open and be very thankful she chose to come to yours. Then she starts to complain about how disrespectful and badly you’ve trained your kids as they are ill-mannered to her.
Below are a few tips that can help survive family tricky relationships or functions to help protect your sanity.
Please communicate with your mother-in-law: Make it clear that your spouse is still her child, and you know the changes are not easy for her. However, being assertive with a calm tone in situations would not compromise. Such as teaching you how to train your kids, informing you be any visitation and should not come and decide to cook or pack lunch for your husband because you have that in control.
Bonding time plan for you and your mother-in-law: Plan for lunch with her in one of her favorite restaurants, movie date, or her favorite store. So you can get to know and understand each other. It is a gradual process, so there is no need to force anything into this bonding time. It is a win-win case because they get to spend time with their child or the child tends to spend time with the mother.
Let your spouse be the one to set the boundaries: leave the stage of being the one trying to stand up or defend herself. Allow her child to understand and see all the treatment she passes to you and how she cannot stand you so he can fend your honor and set boundaries for the mother. So there are aware of the limits they cannot pass.
Lastly, mother-in-law feels entertained when they have laws that respond to the bad behaviors. The best response to give such people is to kill them with a lot of kindness, even when they make you feel less of yourself in your home or personal space. Staying calm and sweet to them makes them very uncomfortable because it will be hard for them to have anyone side their bad doings and instead make your partner and children happy.
I am a proud mother of two, a lover and home builder. My love for children gave birth to the bestofmotherearth.com with the aim to cover topics from child health, pregnancy, parenting, family, relationship, struggles in families and also food.