How Do I Know If My Mother In Law Is Manipulative

A manipulative mother in law could be the destruction of your home. Some women get lucky to have a mother in law that is like a second mother to them while others aren’t as lucky.

The unlucky ones get to end up with mothers in law who are a pain and make their daughters in law live a miserable life in their own homes.

A mother in law could either help the bond between a husband and wife or put a strain on the couple’s relationship.

In this article, we would be discussing some clear signs that your mother in law is manipulative and how to handle a manipulative mother in law.

How Do I Know If My Mother In Law Is Manipulative

If you must successfully handle a manipulative mother in law and protect your relationship with your husband, it is imperative that you know the signs that indicate a manipulative mother in law. Some of these signs are:

She Always Wants To Be The One Who Is Right

You know how your mother in law seems to make everything you do seem wrong and whatever she does seem right, that is a clear description of a manipulative mother in law.

Nothing you do ever seems to be right and of course, she always comes to the rescue; rearranging things you seem to have arranged properly; redressing your kids after you have dressed them up (wrongly, to her).

She literally criticizes everything you do and expects you to be perfect and flawless. She is most likely doing this to show her son that she is still as important in his life as she was before you came into the family.

The fear of losing her son to you makes her feel she is in a competition with you and the most perfect person wins. There is really no point arguing with her because you will rarely win the argument.

She Makes Up Stories And Guilt-Trips Her Son

A manipulative mother in law would try to turn your husband against you by telling him you were mean to her or you did something hurtful to her; stories which most times didn’t even happen or if they did, her  version is exaggerated. She is always playing the victim, just to attract some form of sympathy from her son.

She is typically interfering and this attitude is very toxic to your relationship with your husband. Your husband is likely to start scolding you for maltreating his mother.

She could also use the emotional card, complaining that she never gets to see her son anymore since he married you. This is a smart card to get her son to feel guilty for ignoring her and giving you his attention.

She Does Not Respect Boundaries                                 

She sees nothing wrong with invading your privacy, showing up unannounced, barging in on you and your partner. It could go as far as inviting herself to an event she wasn’t invited to, probably just a quiet family dinner or vacation.

She Encourages Your Children To Disregard Your Instructions

She encourages your kids to do things you have previously told them not to, leaving them confused as to whose instructions to follow; mom’s or grandma’s?

Of course she does this when she is alone with your children, and most likely will convince them to follow her own instruction, making you get angry at your kids for flouting your instructions. This attitude also tampers with the value of your parenting to your kids. This type of manipulation should not be tolerated at all.

She Speaks Ill Of You                       

An extremely manipulative mother in law would go as far as badmouthing you in the community. She speaks ill of you and does everything to tarnishes your reputation beyond repair before people, including your husband.

She Only Acts Like She Loves You In Public                  

Ever wondered why your mother in law is very mean and unfriendly to you behind closed doors but is a completely different person, even an angel to you when you are in public, maybe at a party or any other event?

This is a manipulative strategy that will leave you feeling like a crazed person if you do complain to your husband (or any other person who sees how friendly she is to you in public) about her mean attitude towards you. You are not more interested about the way she treats you in public than how she treats you at home.

She Spies On Your Every Move

Your mother in law seems to know a awful lot about you and your moves, even when you both have never had a conversation where you told her these details. She is most likely spying on you, watching your every move, finding out information about you from your friends and anyone else.

She puts up this attitude to find out more about the woman who she feels is fast becoming more important to her son than herself.

Read This – How To Cheer Up Your Mom

how do i know if my mother in law is manipulative

 

How To Deal With A Manipulative Mother In Law

Now that you have recognized and identified these manipulative signs in your mother in law, the next line of action is figuring out how to deal with the your mother in law and her manipulations.

Try to understand the reasons behind her manipulative acts towards you. Whatever her reason though, it does not excuse her attitudes.

Identify the things that trigger such attitudes from her and avoid them. Of course, you cannot totally avoid the but for the most part, avoid triggering her manipulative behaviors.

Whenever she tries to make an issue look bigger than it actually is, try to reduce or douse it and reduce the possibility of a heated argument or fight. While you try to avoid fights, be sure to stand  your ground and defend yourself if she becomes mean or disrespectful.; stand your ground but don’t be too defensive or disrespectful.

Never take anything she says about you personal. Assure yourself that her words do not define you. This way, you do not have to react to whatever she says. Be more confident and believe in yourself. When she does not get a reaction from you, she is bound to stop.

Let her know her boundaries and make sure you enforce them. If there is ever a time you allow her break her boundaries, it might just be the beginning of many other broken boundaries.

Stop trying to get her approval over everything you do. You do not need her endorsement to prove you have done something good.

Get your partner involved; even if not with every issue, do get him involved. This would help gradually open his eyes to his mother’s manipulative attitudes.

There is a good in everyone, even the worse people. Try to see the good in her and pay more attention on it than her wrongs. This would help you tolerate her.

Forgive her even before she apologizes, if she does. Forgiving her helps you let go of whatever she does, which is for your own good.

Manipulative mothers in law hardly change except they really want to. Do not have any expectations that she would change. Condition your mind to the possibility of her not changing. If she does change and treats you better, then that’s great.

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Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

What Is A Manipulative Mother In Law?

To answer this question as simply as possible, a manipulative mother in law is one who literally controls everything around her, including yours and your husband’s actions in her favor. She could either be subtle or aggressive in her manipulation.

Final Thoughts

A manipulative mother in law will affect your relationship with your husband terribly and do more harm than good in your marriage. For this reason, it is important that you recognize the signs that indicates your mother in law is manipulative and handle it before any harm is done.

Identifying the signs and dealing with them early enough will also help you work things out and improve your relationship with your mother in law. Depending on her reason for being manipulative, you can either mend tings with her and have a better relationship or make a decision to stay away from her toxicity, if she won’t stop.

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