I’ve never been able to look put together in the winter time.

I just don’t seem to ever have the right coat, boots, scarf, matching gloves or hat that doesn’t look positively dweeby.

I recently bought a tailored red wool coat. It’s lovely. It attracts the multi-color hair of my dog like a magnet. Never thought about that when making my purchase decision. Its 80% wool makes me itch positively everywhere. That coat just isn’t going to work. It has to go back.

I also bought a zippy quilted black hooded jacket with nifty twisty clasps that I seemingly can’t get to twist. It too attracts hair of the dog faster than the speed of sound.

That coat also has to go back.

In the meantime I went into the bowels of my closet and found a circa 90’s coat – it’s actually a lovely micro-fiber, with a plush pile inside. It zips from the bottom to the top and has no give when you sit in the car. Can you say RIP every time you sit down? This zipper will not last much longer. Since the 2 NEW coats have to go back I am wearing this ridiculous thing in the meantime. What choice do I have?

The thing is I have to shimmy it up over my hips in order to sit down in the car in order to prevent further zipper ripping. When I am driving I have this spare tire of coat sitting around my waist – It feels positively ridiculous. Even more ridiculous is to see me get out of the car and wiggle accordingly to get the integrity back to my winter fashion nightmare.

Boots. I don’t get how one can wear high fashion boots with chunky 2 –3 inch look good heels, wedges or even date night spikes AND keep your feet warm, navigate the sidewalks many of which are not shoveled, and walk with any grace or style.

Me? I wear clogs.  See?  It says it over there in my sidebar. I am totally afraid that I am going to fall.  I must really be 80. I like the idea of warmth and traction in a boot .   Some how those kind of boots don’t  “look” very good.

Most hats destroy my “do”. If the hat makes any fashion statement at all it usually doesn’t cover my ears. Earmuffs might seem like a good idea, but make most of us looking like a puppy dog. Scarf wrapping is another approach, but then we get the static electricity thning going.

It’s 11 degrees out and I don’t have a thing to wear.

typical victorian wintergarb flickr image credit

karen hanrahan | wellness educator and consultant | writer
nutrition ~ green clean ~ inch loss ~ anti-aging

Contact me:  708.482.0678

Dear Car Thief,

Because my surgery was rescheduled I was able to meet you in court today.

I couldn’t get my camera through the security so darn it all if we couldn’t get some great pics.

I was last in court at the Daley Center when I divorced in 1996.

The 4th District Court House is a bif dif - a tad seedier. No remarkable mahogony panelling.  Lots of people swearing on their cell phones

I expected the arresting officer to be there, but maybe because he overlooked the detail of the gun  in the car he was afraid the judge might yell at him.

I also expected the detective to be there, he’s been rather nice via email.

Neither showed up.

Good thing I was there.

I was told you were incarcerated…that means “put in jail” in Criminal 101 Talk.

I was also told that you had a 20,000 bond out on you.  Seems like a lot. Don’t you think?

The case was defined as criminal

I expected you to be escorted in — you know all shackled just like on TV.

I was told to come up when your name was called, and the nice Assistant Chief Deputy Clerk even guided me as to which line to stand in. 

When it was our turn lo and behold you stepped forward and you were not shackled at all.  As a matter of fact you were in the “other” line and you were only 18 Years Old!! 

Excuse me  — the thug who stole my car is as old as my daughter?

You had paid 10% of your bond money.   EVER so glad you had a spare $2000. 

It was your very first offense .

You were told to show up in court with proof that you had enrolled in school. 

Apparently in addition to not wearing your seat belt and driving MY car without a license you were not attending school.

The letter said you were now going to a private career academy.

Where are your parents? Why are you in this courtroom all by yourself ?

I met the states attorney and they explained that it could go one way or another – he pleads guilty – he gets court supervision

He came back after conferring with his public defender requesting a trial!!

Excuse me??

The states attorney said they are buying time so he can sit for awhile and think about what he’s done.

How convenient.

No thug has been brought in – even though the young man specifically named one especially well known for carrying arms.

They call that “cooperating”. More Criminal 101 Talk

Man oh man young sir, what are you doing hanging out with these thugs? 

The continuance was set for 2 months from today and I was excused from all proceedings.

No need for me to miss another day of work.

Why Thank You.

So my car is stolen, a gun was found in it by me – not by the police – but by me - MAJOR mistake.

We still have no idea who REALLY took the car.

If the gun was actually involved in a crime – ballistics takes months to manage the details of that. 

This theft has been very violating. 

It has cost me money in tow yard fees – hundreds of dollars. 

Plus fees for car washing as the thugs joy riding left a very specific smell and mess in my car.  

I had to replace my umbrella and snow brush

not to mention the other things taken. 

AND I lost 2 days of work.

The boy was waiting for me outside the courtroom.  Oh my goodness he wanted to talk to me.  Almost in tears he said he was sorry.  He said his friend gave him the key and he didn’t know that it wasn’t his friends car. He said all he wanted was to go home. He said he was very sorry.

The thing is.  I completely believed him.  This was NOT a gun slinging hoodlum/thief.

As I drove out of the parking lot he was walking to the train. My maternal heart wanted to give him a ride.  It was cold out and he wasn’t wearing the greatest coat. 

I kept driving.

This all feels rather unresolved.

P.S. Folks in court today got away with alot,  isn’t cannibus marijuana ??  and illegal ? So how do you get a fine for possession of cannibus and driving without a license.  Oh – first time offense.   Too many just like you at the county jail ?

I really am not particularly impressed.

The lady next to me was threatened in a McDonalds.

Pointing the finger at…flickr image credit

Contact me:  708.482.0678

I have a huge affection for fine linen.  

The textures, the patterns, the vivid colors.  In my ultimate linen fantasy, I have linen for each season of the year. Oh the possibilities!!

I’d then need a walk in linen closet. Can you imagine?

I tell myself that having seasonal sets of linen is a major decor statement. I tell myself that I’d actually be making an investment because I wouldn’t have to keep washing the same set of sheets over and over. Washing them all the time reduces their lifespan, ya know?

I will talk myself in and out of this idea over and over because it amuses me

Truth is I will never have seasonal linen or a walk in linen closet. 

I recently befriend a man who said he was linen iliterate.  That comment really  cracked me up. 

I offered him some linen tips.  He accepted them rather graciously.  

I told him about thread count, about my favorite suppliers for linen and why. I shared about a blanket I purchased last year that is of a plush pile – don’t ask me what it’s made out of.  It’s THE most deliciously soft blanket ever  — very much actually like a stuffed animal soft. 

I also shared with him the flannel sheet trick which I discovered at a lovely little bed and breakfast in MIlwaukee.  I adopted the trick for my very own. Take a regular sheet, top it with a flannel sheet, add another regular sheet and you get a divine weighted sleeve of warmth. It’s delicious

He was rather intrigued by that

As the weather has gotten colder this man commented that it was going to be a double flannel sheet weekend.  It’s true it was going to be a cold one! I shared that I was recently given a down comforter and I was experimenting with keeping the heat turned off at night.

I can now add the down comforter to the pile called my winter bedding. 

I declared that the entire thing seemingly required a bit of choreoraphy.

See, the down comforter is weighty. It’s not the right size for my bed and it’s rather bulky.  I place it on my carefully layered winter linen ensemble but it’s too thick to tuck in between my legs. I can roll over scooting the normal bedding in as I roll, leaving the down comforter to lay on top. AND, If I do this just right… it’s actually deliciously warm and wonderful. 

Yet if I don’t  do it just right — then whole thing gets terribly discombobulated

and then I can’t sleep.

Which brings me to the story — The Princess And The Pea or the Princess and the Boulder!

I was once at a hotel where the bedding was all wrong, the bottom sheet wasn’t fitted and came untucked, the flannel pad on the bed, also not fitted was very thick and had these rigid ripples to them. It didn’t lay flat. The top sheet had a hole in it that my toe kept finding and the coverlet underside was that horrific scratchy nylon poly crap that should simply not be allowed on anything labeled linen.   I ditched the coverlet.  It layed stiffly in a heap on the floor. I was left with a holy sheet, a knobby blanket and this stupid thick pad beneath me with the ripples in it. 

Hotels in general seem to spire in me what might have been a life time of allergies that I have managed beautifully by nutritional supplements. With the exception of hotels. I get the sniffles, my face and skin reacts and my eyes become gel – like and googly.

Hate that.

That night besides the linen being completely all wrong I was freezing.  What ever self temperature gauge the room had was not managing the temperature. I was very frustrated. I started to think of the fairy tale the princess and the pea and how she could detect a pea even with a huge pile of mattresses beneath her, for the life of me I couldn’t remember the rest of the story. I could just see the whimsical  image of her.  The not knowing how the story ended was driving me crazy. I started to berate myself for being picky, high need, particular about my linen. A snob. 

Then I said  to myself hey wait a minute— I wasn’t dealing with a little old pea in my bed. This situation was a mighty boulder!!

Needless to say I didn’t sleep a wink, I was a googly eyed miserable tired mess the next day, all at the cost of $197. 

The hotel staff and I had a bit of a chat.

I still don’t know the real story of the princess and the pea.

flickr image …lovely bed ensemble

Karen Hanrahan | writer
commentary about all things wellness 
Blog: Best of Mother Earth

Dear Car Thief,

I went to pick up my car you stole from me today.

Thanks for the hefty impounding fees – yup, a flat tow and 3 days of charges.

Your going to pay me back right ??

Also appreciate you driving until you were on fumes only… I know I didn’t leave you a ton of gas, but the courteous thing would have been to top it off …

thanks for smoking in my car

being an emphatic non smoker

I will now forever know that you were in my car by the smell

I see you drink coffee with cream, nice that you were able to spill it and leave it to pool in my cup holders, something sticky you ate was also smeared all over my steering wheel

Thanks

Ever so glad that the slimey dog drool tennis balls were of interest to you and that the apples to apples game is something you can share with your friends

I see the music CD’s I love don’t parallel your musical interests and I was worried that you might steal my music!!
 
Thanks for changing ALL my radio stations.

I am especially grateful for THE GUN you left under the drivers seat!!!

Sure as heck freaked me out finding it!

Yup… sure turned my car into an interesting crime scene.

police taking pictures of the gun found in my car — taken by Karen

met a whole slew of cops, detectives, desk officers and crazy people

OH and they fingerprinted me…just in case I touched the gun.

What fun!

yup … that’s a gun. taken by Karen

Contact me:  708.482.0678

Dear Car Thief,

This morning I woke up to find my driveway empty.  You took my car sometime after 11PM after I got back from walking my dog.  It sortof creeps me out to think that who ever you are you might know my routine. 

So,  listen  up mr car thief… I am so very curious..

My car isn’t some sweet ride.  It’s a little 8 yr old 4 dr sedan – a chevy compact with 45,000 miles on it .   It’s just your average joe vehicle.  The hinge to the gas cap is broken and the thinga ma jig that has one pass emissions is broken.  If you really wanted to impress someone with the dog hair covered seats, the worn carpets perhaps you should have considered my neighbors car.   If you really wanted the drool infested tennis balls my dog likes to chew on or the apples to apples game I still need to bring in the house I would have gladly given them to you.   Truly you can’t possibly  appreciate my taste in music;  movie sound tracks, elton john, sting, not to mention my ex husbands leo kotke anthologies.  I would have just given those to you.   My portable lawn chairs, reusable grocery bags and a snow scraper, the mexican blanket my boyfriend from the ranch gave me?  Do those things really interest you??   And that spare roll of toilet paper for oh you know – emergencies.  Can you sell that on the black market these days?

I am forever curious how you were able to take my car in complete darkness w/o the keys??  Of the three cars in the driveway  why mine? My daughters car has a really great opera cape in it and lots of paper debris not to mention an old pairs of perscription glasses.  It may be a gas guzzler but  gosh it’s a real beauty .  And my landlord’s car has nothing in it.   Well, perhaps her car had more gas!  I am wondering how far did you get ..you know,  on your little joy ride?? Cuz, I was so almost out of gas. 

So when you took MY CAR did you consider the person whom you were stealing from. The violation. The shock. The fact that as much as I don’t drive my car I still need one. This particular person …namely me, isn’t in a particularly great position to just whip up another vehicle.  As a matter of fact. this stealing of my car deal was the icing on the drama of my life cake. Today the theft of my car felt like the last straw.   

I don’t know who you are and why you needed to mess with me. I don’t know if you get the trauma you added to my life today  – a rather complicated life of someone who’s just trying to take each day as it comes. Eeeking her existance here.  I don’t know if you understand that if you took my car forever I wasn’t in a position to replace it.  Not without some very creative financing.  Not without it being very complicated

Most of all I wonder if you know how you really upset me today.  A missing car, the police, Insurance reps, car rental companies.  Nobody needs to deal with all of that. Nobody. You alarmed me, my family, my friends.  You messed with all of us.

What was your gain?  Was it thrilling to take? 

How does it feel to get caught?

The police caught you in a stolen vehicle !! Does that make your day?

I think the deal of it all is you stole from the wrong person… you stole from someone who’s universe said …nope, I don’t think so.

This woman needs her car 

YOU mr car thief are totally busted. 

I think that’s pretty darn karmic

stealing flickr image credit

Karen Hanrahan | wellness educator and consultant | writer
nutrition ~ green clean ~ inch loss  ~ anti-aging

Contact me:  708.482.0678