A few weeks ago, our Michelle ( brand new mom of the adorable baby jack ) called. She was distressed by two opposing opinions about nursing. One book said to do it this way, the other book said to do it another. Now she felt like she was nursing the wrong way. I hate when books do that. The question I asked Michelle is what does she think? Best yet, what’s the worst thing that could happen if she woke her child up to nurse it, vs not. Or whatever her nursing point of view might be. I told her to trust herself.
Moms have a gut instinct that rules the universe. When we are new to motherhood, although I personally believe it’s about being female, not just about being maternal, we have to learn to trust this gut feeling. This inner drive has us know when to hug, when to yell, when to scream and when to say just the exact right thing at the right time. It’s pretty darn amazing.
My home life growing up was a bit of a farce, my parents really faked their way through alot of things family. They just were too self absorbed to get it. I understand that they had their problems to solve, their who they were to master. They did all of that at the expense of what could have been a great family.
I remember one rather human moment when my dad was gone ( he was gone alot ) and I got injured. My hands got caught in the bend of the garage door. My skin on all my knuckles curled up like clams, this description doesn’t even do justice to how weird this injury was. We were in the hall bathroom – my mom and I, and she burst into tears. She said she didn’t know what to do. I remember how frightened that made me feel, moms are supposed to know what to do in every situation no matter what. I also remember thinking how cool it was that she actually said that and thought to myself gosh neither do I. Somehow we got through it. In that instance though – that potential mother and daughter moment it wasn’t a shared experience. I felt really isolated from her and I felt she really didn’t appreciate this dilemna I had put her in. Fault, nuisance, annoyance. Thus my world as I knew it growing up. I was always a problem for my mom.
If this happened between my daughter and I, or my son for that matter. I would have cried, and shared how I felt but they would have cried too, and we would have been scared together. Hugs and more tears would be exchanged - heart to heart and it would have felt like we were in this crisis together. It would feel like noone was to blame – yeah this is scary - I’m scared too.
This morning, the phone rang and it was my son. The kid was riding his bike in the pouring rain and hit a pot hole. His bike was trashed, he – thank goodness was fine. He said the incident had him roaring with laughter. Phone calls like that make my mother earth heart palpitate. So we go – my Kate and I, and we pick him up. He’s soaked, his bike is mangled and he’s laughing. I am filled with so much love I can hardly stand it. He got scraped up. He lets me get the ole cotton balls out and the hydrogen peroxide that I have had for 20 years – just in case. I was flooded with memories, other moments in the bathroom – scrapes to tend to, Batman band-aids to the rescue – major deja-vu. We have been here before.
The logical part of me said what are you nuts riding in the rain 13 miles, I could have picked you up! The proud part of me told him that I think his determination and his affection for riding his bike is way darn cool. The mom in me, the one that no kid really wants to hear from – thought of about 4 other horrific scenarios of ” things that could have happen” and I quickly told myself – don’t go there. The part of me I am becoming and the current mom learning curve I am on simply said - mother earth – let it go. Be there for him now – be what he needs you to be now.
I had to trust this thought process, this deep inside gut instinct and remind myself of my mom knows best radar.
Karen Hanrahan ~ Wellness Educator/Nutritional Consultant/Blog Author
708.482.0678 ~ Websites: Nutrition Weight Loss, and Green Clean
Happy Mother’s Day, Karen. As you and I learned how to mother our children, we had to learn how to mother ourselves since our own mothers had no clue. Give to yourself as you give to your children. I was blessed to find other role models to fill in for the mothering that I didn’t get as a child.
We definitely had to custom design it ! Truth is, I’m OK with that. I like that I got to do it my way. Happy Mother’s Day to you too!